Your ego must fall!
Your sense of self importance, your need to be right, your need to feel like everyone is out to get you... that one must go!
You constantly putting yourself down as if you don't matter, you being a pushover, stand-offish... that must go too!
I am no perfect person. In fact, I was supposed to post this a few days ago, but you know what, my ego got the best of me. And then she didn't come alone. She surprisingly showed up with her distant cousin low self esteem and feeling unworthy. I had a hard time last week. I was trying to be motivated, but nothing seemed to work.
To be an open space requires constant submission. You must realize that you may not always be right. You must realize that sometimes YOU are the TOXIC one.
I wrote a blog post a while ago about being a toxic friend. It was scary to have people read about me like that. I had never really admitted it to anyone, because it is embarrassing! It is shameful sometimes to admit to being the one that is wrong. But it is freeing! It was freeing! I had held a lot of hatred in my heart that was eating me up. I was wasting away thinking about the fact that everyone had hurt me, forgetting that I was hurting others too. God began to break me, and it was so HARD! I cried a lot during this time because seeing the ugly side of myself made me realize that we are all human, and while the world is busy teaching us how to cut people off, it is forgetting to teach us to be merciful and extend the same amount of grace that we needed.
The crushing is humbling. You realize that you are on the chopping board, and the same way you have harshly judged and treated others, is the same way you will be treated. I had to get my act together, be honest with myself and LET MY EGO FALL!
Only then did I experience the grace that I had been searching for.
I still struggle though. Let's not get it twisted. I'm not perfect. God reminds me of the moment the walls came down and He fixes my heart again.
Now I strive to understand people. I am more empathetic.
My heart is less clogged.
Ask God to bring your walls down and shine a light on the things that were clogging your heart so that you can be an Open Space.
love,
shay.
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