As you are reading this, I want you to know that God is very interesting.
I'm seated on the sofa, talking to God about my issues and we suddenly drift off into this intense conversation about 1st Corinthians 6:12-14. We start talking about houses and locked doors, something I will write about soon, then He reminds me of the day I got saved.
I've been a christian girl all my life. But I legit got saved in November of 2015, when a group of church planters/missionaries had come to Nairobi to start a church that has grown to become more like family to me. I remember that day very well. I invited these ladies into my house, made them my favorite meal, and it was great. We eat and laughed, and then suddenly they start talking about Jesus which felt really AWKWARD! There was this sudden heaviness in the room, and then all of a sudden I wasn't the Sharon I thought I was. I wept when I met Jesus!
However, I woke up the next day with the same problems I had before I met the ladies that introduced me to Jesus. But this time, with a slight twinkle in my eye.
I would have date nights, complete with candle lit dinners and Will Reagan playing beautiful God music in the background. Picnics. Night outs. Nights in. Movie nights. The cute "for i know the plans i have for you.." type of messages. We wrote letters to each other. It was so beautiful.
Then, just like every other relationship, we turned a corner. A bad one. I wanted more. I suddenly wasn't satisfied with what we had. I wanted Him to be here. Like physically. It would be so easy for me to love God if I could see Him. How cool would it be to actually have the lover of my soul, seated next to me, for all to see? But that didn't happen. Obviously!
As I write this, I am letting you in on a moment I just had with God.
We were talking about houses and locked doors and He pointed out that there are things that I don't tell Him. Then, with tears forming in my eyes, I started to think about all the things I have had to let go of, because of my relationship with Him. I've had to forego the pleasures that most young people my age indulge in. I haven't had a boyfriend in what will be seven years in November, I stopped having sex, I don't go to the club anymore(not that i frequented the place), I started loving people more, I am in the process of learning forgiveness... It's a lot! Some of these things are not easy to let go of. It is sometimes painful to follow Christ. You really do have to take up your cross.
So I told Him,
" Yoh! I must really love you then! To allow you to have such heavy influence over my life. To allow you to fix and change what YOU don't like,to expose the filth that I had in my heart, to be my confidant... I must really love you!"
I realized that the honeymoon phase is over!
I was this jovial, all about Jesus type of girl. I was always wearing the scent of the early stages of the relationship. I was overwhelmingly excited about life and the possibility of better days. I was all over the place trying to convince people that all my problems disappeared the second I got saved. But we know that wasn't true. Not that now I'm unhappy because I chose to follow Christ. I need you to understand that being an Open Space means having a relationship with God, and having a relationship with God means you have to put in the work! You can not afford to be passive. The only way to move from "glory to glory" in your faith is if you actually allow God access to the closed doors and let Him show you what you need to work on. He does it all. But you need to know that you need to count the cost and carry the cross.
"I must really love you"
I felt Him appreciating that. He appreciated the fact that I have let go (or at least trying to let go) of the things that He doesn't like, just like you would want your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend to do. HE APPRECIATED THE SACRIFICE! And He mentioned that I belong to Him, but that's for another day. I also need you to understand that God made the ultimate sacrifice for us. There is no way we can out-give Him. He sees you though. He really does.
Friends,to be an Open Space, you must realize that it will not always be the cute moments. We will have moments when the relationship is frustrating, when we won't want to choose God because it doesn't sit well with the flesh. But the end result is REWARDING! The best part is that He appreciates the sacrifice. He sees you and He loves it!
With love,
Shay!
click here to get my eBook, Letters to the men that were never mine to begin with.
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